Me In The Middle Of Thinking Out Loud

(c) Mary Lou Q

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The other day I received an email about a new book~ Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmateavailable on 12/29/15.  In the video the author says  50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce!   It takes an eternal optomist to keep working on enhancing marriage and remarriage with those statistics!

I was reminded of my last post “What Makes a Marriage Successful (And why Divorce Does Not Mean Failure”.  (If you haven’t seen it, check it out! https://exampleworkpresscom.wordpress.com/2015/10/21/what-makes-a-marriage-successful-and-why-divorce-does-not-mean-failure/)

While I think it’s important to learn what makes a successful marriage and believe in the value of marriage in our society, such as marrying before you have kids and sticking around to parent the kids you conceive,  I also think a major shift needs to take place where married, divorced or single are all highly valued lifestyles.  I know we say that this is already so, but culturally we still idealize marriage as the ultimate ideal goal in relationship commitment even though there are clear signs of trouble.  There are many who are single and divorced who are living life in the fullest while recognizing and learning about themselves and others in different levels of committed relationships.  Isn’t it much better to support and build up all relationships regardless of whether married, divorced or single?  Besides, it’s fun ‘turning your partner into a soulmate’ no matter where the relationship lies.  It’s  much better than having a ‘cellmate’ in a marriage commitment.

The upcoming book in the video is meant “to help readers find a happy middle ground between the rare, precious, and unattainable romantic notion of love, and the reality that happens when restlessness, anger, or disappointment set in and act as a stubborn barrier to happiness and fulfillment.”  ““Happily ever after” is a fairy tale myth, but “happily EVEN after” is totally possible.”

I believe this is totally possible too!  It’s just that many second, third (and on down the line) marriages are entered into without taking the time to find the soulmate within themselves, as well as within the person they’re in a relationship with.  It seems to me, without working on and understanding what brought the previous marriage to an end, you’re only going into the same thing in the new marriage ~ this time with a new person.  It seems to me that society’s pressure to commit through marriage, along with the underlying message that being single or divorced is not OK, places more expectations on a marriage commitment than might be possible or beneficial.

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Soulmate

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One of the red flags I saw with the title of this book has to do with what I learned about being co-dependent within an unhealthy relationship and trying to “fix” that relationship.    “Why You Should Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate” is sounding to me like a one-sided relationship of trying to change someone when that someone might not be there for you in the first place.  Maybe this is all coming from my reality of a 20 year marriage that I’m still recovering from even though i’m thriving in other ways and have had relationships outside of marriage down through the years.  Marriage can be such a  binding force that can be difficult to remove yourself from.

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 One of the comments in the reviews of the book seems to imply that it’s all about one person doing all the work. ~

“This is the book that every married woman should read before and during their marriage many times over. As a matter of fact, it should just stay on their bedside table.”
—Christina Rasmussen, author of Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again

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This sounds like a healthier attitude ~

““A book that gives couples the tools to create lasting, loving relationships. In Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate, Arielle offers crystal clear examples and steps for you to strengthen that bridge so you can create a deep connection with your partner.”
—Orna and Matthew Walters, soulmate coaches

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Discussion?  I welcome your thoughts in ‘Comments’……………….(Here’s the link to information about Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate ~ “http://www.arielleford.com/turn-your-mate-into-your-soulmate/ )

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Sketch © Mary Lou Q

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