Me in the Middle Remembering a Dream

old-lady-2

Pixabay

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HOLY GROUND

by Mary Lou

It was during a time of great crisis —–
When I had been left with the responsibility
of my family’s emotional and economic survival,
and was feeling overwhelmed with the bleak
reality of it all. I worried about earning
an income to make ends meet; about whether
I would be able to keep the house; about the
well-being of my five sons while I was at work.
Each day was filled with anxiety and anger
at being in this situation, and fear
that I would never get out of it.

One night I had a dream that remains vivid
in my memory to this day.

I was riding in bus which was hurtling down the
highway at a reckless speed. I was gripping the seat
in front of me and trying to understand
what was happening and where I was going.
Suddenly, the bus began to stop and the ride
took on a slow-motion transition up a hill
on a winding road toward a large old house.
There was a misty, grayish-blue caste over the
surrounding area.

As the bus moved closer to the house,
I saw a lone figure sitting in a chair on
the front lawn. It was an old woman with
soft, white hair and a soft, gentle face.
When she raised her eyes to meet mine, I
could see there was immense peace and love
in them. It was then that I realized that
this old woman looking up at me was me in
my old age and I was filled with peace.

I knew from that moment on that I was going
to get through ….. that I was going to be OK.

1981

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That was more than thirty years ago that I had this dream.  It stayed with me because I rarely dream that vividly nor do I look for meaning in my dreams.  I had to write it down to capture the feeling I had when I woke up remembering it.  I can still see that old woman’s face and would love to capture it in a sketch some day.

So far she hasn’t shown up and I know she’s going to appear some day in my mirror.  For now I like to think it’s this old woman who will show up when I look in the mirror.   🙂

betty-white

“It’s your outlook on life that counts.  If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives.

And sometimes it can be a life saver.”

~ Betty White ~

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Me in the Middle of Fabulous February

Feb Grid

© Mary Lou Q

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Fabulous February

I’m kind of glad that February’s been anointed the ‘Heart’ month.  I’ve come full circle on this appreciation and not just because it’s my birthday month.  February’s cool!! ❤ Continue reading

Killing the Angel in Order to Write

BREVITY's Nonfiction Blog

HagemanauthorphotoBy Shannon Hageman

“Killing the Angel in the House was part of the occupation of women writers,” Virginia Woolf wrote in her essay, Professions for Women (1931). I’d like to believe that women have come a long way; I wasn’t even born until forty years after Virginia Woolf advised women writers to kill the Angel of the House. I know we’re not expected to be Angels anymore, but there are expectations. Expectations I picked up from the housewives in my family –grandmothers, godmothers, and aunts. Expectations I built while scorning my own mother who worked full time, let my father do most of the cooking and cleaning. There’s a constant nudging: be the mother portrayed on social media with her perfectly assembled outfit and frizzless hair in the carpool lane, who sends her kids to school  with well-balanced, organic cold lunches packed in Bento boxes. Mothers who don’t just pin, but…

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Me in the Middle Rising Strong

rise

Sketch by mlq

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I found this writing by Brené Brown while visiting a post by Jennifer Juneau Looking Back While Looking Ahead.  It’s only been recently that I’ve embarked on the journey of ‘Looking Back’ all with the intent to continue moving forward and ‘Looking Ahead’.  Writing about our life story, the good parts and the not-so-good parts, pulls together a pattern that reminds us of who we were all along the way.  A pattern of strength and courage through our struggles that becomes clearer when we become an observer from the present  time and allow ourselves to look back.  We can do this at any time and at any age.  The insights we gain and the freedom we experience keep us ‘rising strong’.

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~ Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted ~

“There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers
Than those of us who are willing to fall
Because we have learned how to rise

With skinned knees and bruised hearts;
We choose owning our stories of struggle,
Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.

When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we run from struggle, we are never free.
So we turn toward truth and look at it in the eye.

We will not be characters in our stories.
Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.

We are the authors of our lives.
We write our own daring endings.

We craft love from heartbreak,
Compassion from shame,
Grace from disappointment,
Courage from failure.

Showing up is our power.
Story is our way home.
Truth is our song.
We are the brave and brokenhearted.
We are rising strong.”

Brené Brown

Be Brave ~ Show Up