To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off. It’s the realization I can’t control another.
To ‘let go’ is not to enable but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ‘let go’ is not to try to change or blame another. It’s to make the most of myself.
To ‘let go’ is not to care for but to care about.
To ‘let go’ is not to fix but to be supportive.
To ‘let go’ is not to judge but to allow another to be a human being.
To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To ‘let go’ is not to be protective. It’s to permit another to face reality.
To ‘let go’ is not to deny but to accept.
To ‘let go’ is not to nag, scold or argue but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ‘ let go’ is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To ‘ let go’ is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To ‘ let go’ is to fear less and love more.
Author Unknown
********************
I want to fix things! I want to heal the world and make things all better. I recognized this about myself going back to when I was a young wife and mother. Yes, I’m a rescuer and a co-dependent. My heart fills with love and breaks when I see suffering in the world. Over and over I’ve had to remind myself to step back and be in the middle of things yet apart from it. Things that I can’t fix…that I have no control over need to be let go.
* Like what’s going on in my country right now. *
* Like the punch in the gut when we learned about predator priests in the Catholic Church. *
These things draw me in and break my heart. I want to fix it. Sometimes letting go means ‘holding space’ for someone or something when we’re on the threshold of change and we’re not sure where it’s taking us. Sometimes stepping back and allowing that space means remaining in relationship in a supportive way. Sometimes stepping back means leaving that relationship and setting healthy boundaries so you can move forward and recover.
Forgiveness is possible. Restoring relationship not always possible. Restoring trust is up to the one who betrayed that trust. We can’t fix things on our own.
Thank you Lynette Benton! I’m grateful that you submitted this to Brevity. So many of us who love writing and have benefited in so many ways had our thoughts validated by what you wrote. This line made me laugh out loud : “In any case, my memoirs aren’t going to make me famous, unless it’s through lawsuits.” 😀
Many writers, perhaps most, believe that publication of their books would represent a badge of accomplishment and acceptance, an event that would bring them fame, catapult their lives into new and desirable directions, or at least validate the talent, time, and energy they invested in their manuscripts. Rejections of their work by agents and publishers can have a shattering effect upon them. I point out to them that the publishing world’s misjudgments are legion; note the many rejections of Kathryn Stockett’s The Help, which went on to best sellerdom and box office success; Tinkers, by Paul Harding, the 2010 Pulitzer Prize fiction winner, which the big publishing houses declined; the 22 rejections for Joseph Heller’s Catch-22, the 12 for Harry Potter. Sometimes the letters accompanying the rejections even contained snarky comments about the writer, the manuscript, or both.
This post is a wee bit longer than my usual posts. Awareness is Important!
It’s been four years since I started treatment for Severe Sleep Apnea. It’s changed my life! Or maybe I should say that I never realized before just how my living with undiagnosed/untreated sleep apnea over the years had affected my life.
OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnea) is one of the most under-diagnosed conditions that can ultimately lead to serious, life-threatening consequences if left untreated. It affects men, women and children; overweight and thin … and it has many causes.
Upon reaching my 70th birthday, what I considered to be a fairly healthy life began to spiral downward with a series of symptoms that were puzzling for both me and my doctors. Over the years I had had what seemed to be age-related medical issues that I was quick to address for the best outcome. Looking back, in hindsight, I can now connect the dots to what I’ve come to understand were symptoms of Obstructive Sleep Apnea.
There were times over the past 30 plus years where I struggled with low energy, feelings of depression, racing heart, nausea, fainting spells and anxiety. Coping with everyday stresses were also complicated by the early onset of menopause in my late thirties. Most of the time I approached these symptoms in a proactive way without medication by learning about exercise, diet and mind/body balance techniques. Never in all my proactive approaches over the years did I ever learn, nor was it ever brought up by the doctors I’d seen, that I might have Sleep Apnea. There were thyroid checks, blood tests and heart tests ~ along with reassurances that nothing abnormal was found other than an insignificant tricuspid-valve leakage. In the early Eighties it was confirmed through FSH blood tests that I was indeed in the middle of early menopause.
Then, as I approached my seventies, symptoms became more troubling. The expected onset of spinal stenosis, along with a family history of joint replacements, were complicated by vascular symptoms in my legs where I would lose control of coordination and feeling. There was a series of surgeries over the next years for EVLT (Edo-Venous Laser Treatment), Lumbar Laminectomy and, last but not least, THR (Total Hip Replacement). It was while I was in the hospital right after the THR surgery that my son, a cardiologist, saw that I had stopped breathing which immediately confirmed his suspicions that I might have Sleep Apnea. My cardiologist was contacted and a sleep study was ordered.
Up until that time, it was progressively looking like I was developing A-Fib and Tachycardia. I was prescribed blood pressure medication and set up with a heart monitor for tracking the events where my heart rate would become so fast that I couldn’t read a pulse. I’d be waking up many times in the night with my heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my neck. When walking up an incline I was finding myself short of breath and was attributing it to signs of aging. A trip to the Emergency Room after I passed out at work forced my decision to stop part-time work. The ER doctor did all sorts of tests while I was there. His final diagnosis was Vasovagal Syncope (fainting) and he sent me on my way. No mention of Sleep Apnea.
So, when I received the call from the Pulmonologist who prescribed the Sleep Study for me four years ago I was stunned by what she told me. I had Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea! No way! AHI 43 events per hour (stopped breathing); Sleep efficiency @ 51%; Oxygen level @ 80% (dangerous).
Over the course of the last four years of treatment on CPAP I’ve been catching up on activities that I never had the energy for in the past. Daily fatigue had drained me in so many ways and I thought I’d have to let go of so much that I’d hoped to do in retirement. Well, it’s never too late! It’s never too late to begin writing your story; It’s never too late to begin watercolor sketching; It’s never to late to try out on-line dating; It’s never too late to do foreign travel; It’s never too late to change your perspective on things; and It’s never too late to be young at heart!
This is the CPAP mask that I’ve found works best for me! I hardly know that I’ve got it on and now my AHI is <2.0 and my oxygen level is 99%. I wouldn’t go to sleep without it.
********************
********************
All of my symptoms are gone! No more anxiety, no more racing/pounding heart, no more fainting, no more waking up many times in the night and no more shortness of breath. Now I get lots of restorative sleep (8 to 9 hours) and I’m dreaming again because I’m spending more time in the very important deep-sleep stages of the sleep cycles. My blood pressure is back to normal and staying stable. My medications have been cut in half.
So I hope my sharing my experience will encourage anyone who notices some of these symptoms to ask about having a sleep study done. And if you are diagnosed with Moderate or Severe Sleep Apnea I hope that you’ll hang in there with the CPAP treatment. It’s all worth it ….. and it may save your life.
********************
~ Update ~
The cardiac symptoms have returned in full force after four years on CPAP treatment where I had no Atrial Fib/Atrial Flutter and Atrial Tachycardia symptoms. I spent 5 hours in the ER this week with high blood pressure and high heart rate. The ER team did a great job in stabilizing my heart rate and now it’s a matter of just finding the best medication adjustment for this new development.
I can’t emphasize enough the importance of diagnosing Obstructive Sleep Apnea early on and to encourage anyone in staying with the CPAP treatment. I really believe I wouldn’t have developed this heart condition if mine was discovered sooner. I’ve been blessed in these past four years where treatment gave me back the energy and life that I was meant to have. 🙂
My theme ~ Lessons Learned. I’ll be posting a word that begins with each letter of the alphabet that fits my theme. This blog/website has become one way to share about myself to my children, my grandchildren and my extended family who are scattered all over the country and the world. Hopefully, anyone who reads this will be in some way blessed by my throwing my words out onto the World Wide Web and into the Universe.
My About Page gives me the focus so that, as I age, I don’t forget what I worked so hard to learn. It’s going to be fun and challenging! I hope you’ll stick with me as I strive to meet my goal!!
My theme ~ Lessons Learned. I’ll be posting a word that begins with each letter of the alphabet that fits my theme. This blog/website has become one way to share about myself to my children, my grandchildren and my extended family who are scattered all over the country and the world. Hopefully, anyone who reads this will be in some way blessed by my throwing my words out onto the World Wide Web and into the Universe.
My About Page gives me the focus so that, as I age, I don’t forget what I worked so hard to learn. It’s going to be fun and challenging! I hope you’ll stick with me as I strive to meet my goal!!
By Lynette Benton
