Me In The Middle of Creating My Life

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 A New Creation

~ A poem about finding expression through art ~

One thing that tough times have taught me is to look to the center of things….. the center of me where I hope to find a way to move forward through whatever is going on in my life. It’s not always easy, especially when there’s a lot going on and things get really overwhelming. What works for others is not always the answer for you.

During one period of my life, it seemed I was searching nonstop for ways to get through the stress, chaos and upheaval that kept coming my way. I walked (a lot!), I exercised (a lot!), I meditated/prayed (a lot…), I wrote and created poems (off and on….) (Sometimes I partied (a lot!), Sometimes I drank (moderately…), Sometimes I totally stressed out! (a lot!) …. And that’s OK too! 🙂

It was during this time when I discovered the power of creating through ART. It’s my go-to escape from life’s tough times and it has never failed me. You don’t have to be perfect …. just express yourself and let go.

So I’m sharing with you a poem I wrote, during that chaotic time, about discovering my life through the joy of creating art.

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 A New Creation

Dormant stirrings of artistic talent
Laying in wait for expression
Smells of turpentine and linseed oil
Stretched into my memory
Carefully laying out the tools
For bringing thoughts to life.

Palette of colors
Arranged in warm and cool sequence
Easel with stretched canvas
Assorted brushes and knives
All symbols of promise
A new creation ~ a new hope.

At last a participant
No longer the spectator
Lost in concentration
Hours pass like minutes
Strong mystical feelings of peace
This was my universe and I felt free!

Maternal love nurtures new life
Returning to touch and nourish
Inner sense of Letting Go
Stepping back to set free
Contemplating the finished product
A genuine part of me.

Mary Lou Q

Sketches © Mary Lou Q

Me In The Middle of Being a Single Mom

 

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© Mary Lou Q

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“Everything comes to us that belongs to us, if we create the capacity to receive it.”

~ Rabindranath Tagore ~

This path of mine has brought me to and through so much that has given my life meaning, richness and purpose.  I want to apply all that I’ve learned ~ I want to create within myself the capacity to receive all that belongs to me with open arms and open heart.

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One of my sons shared with me a memory of when he was a teenager.  He told me that when he saw the movie ~ E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, ‘the Mom from E.T.’ reminded him of me.

I remembered the movie and how the message captivated all of us during the early Eighties.

“Turn on your heartlight.  Let it shine wherever you go.”

Click here to listen ♥ :  Heartlight ~ Neil Diamond ~ E.T.

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“The Mom from E.T.” was a single mom raising her children during that time just as I was.  So I googled to refresh my memory and learn more about her.  It was a time for me when building a sense of safety and security for my family was very important to me and E.T. touched my heart.

What I found in my google search was a video of an interview with Dee Wallace (The Mom from E.T.) reflecting back thirty years and how the movie continued to touch the hearts of people down through the years.  What I loved is how she sees the movie as a call to Love instead of Fear and Hate.  Speaking of how 9/11 has affected all of us, she expressed her own desire to see us recapture that belief that there’s more goodness in the world than there is evil:

“If we continue to live in the fear and the protecting that it made us build up, we stop creating who we are… we shut all our light down… and then love isn’t prevalent …. and then we literally begin creating the world we don’t want.  If you want a world of love, you’ve got to be love.”

I see this as true at both a national level and at a personal level.  It was the conclusion I came to as a single mom facing the challenges ahead of me and recovering from abandonment that made things look very hopeless.  If I continued to live in the fear and the protecting that it made me build up, I would have stopped creating who I was… shutting down my light… and love wouldn’t have prevailed.  Instead of creating a sense of love and support within my family, it would have begun to create a world I didn’t want.  I wanted my children to come through with a sense of acceptance and belonging which they deserved, and not a sense of being outcasts because they weren’t in a ‘whole’ family.

So. as I stand upon this mountaintop overlooking the possibilities ahead of me at this time in my life, I recall the message of E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial.   I hope to be able to have the courage to speak and act in a way that truly represents what I’ve come to believe.    

“Turn on your heartlight ~ Open your heart ~ Keep the light on ~ You are the light.” 

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Me in the Middle Remembering a Dream

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Pixabay

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HOLY GROUND

by Mary Lou

It was during a time of great crisis —–
When I had been left with the responsibility
of my family’s emotional and economic survival,
and was feeling overwhelmed with the bleak
reality of it all. I worried about earning
an income to make ends meet; about whether
I would be able to keep the house; about the
well-being of my five sons while I was at work.
Each day was filled with anxiety and anger
at being in this situation, and fear
that I would never get out of it.

One night I had a dream that remains vivid
in my memory to this day.

I was riding in bus which was hurtling down the
highway at a reckless speed. I was gripping the seat
in front of me and trying to understand
what was happening and where I was going.
Suddenly, the bus began to stop and the ride
took on a slow-motion transition up a hill
on a winding road toward a large old house.
There was a misty, grayish-blue caste over the
surrounding area.

As the bus moved closer to the house,
I saw a lone figure sitting in a chair on
the front lawn. It was an old woman with
soft, white hair and a soft, gentle face.
When she raised her eyes to meet mine, I
could see there was immense peace and love
in them. It was then that I realized that
this old woman looking up at me was me in
my old age and I was filled with peace.

I knew from that moment on that I was going
to get through ….. that I was going to be OK.

1981

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That was more than thirty years ago that I had this dream.  It stayed with me because I rarely dream that vividly nor do I look for meaning in my dreams.  I had to write it down to capture the feeling I had when I woke up remembering it.  I can still see that old woman’s face and would love to capture it in a sketch some day.

So far she hasn’t shown up and I know she’s going to appear some day in my mirror.  For now I like to think it’s this old woman who will show up when I look in the mirror.   🙂

betty-white

“It’s your outlook on life that counts.  If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives.

And sometimes it can be a life saver.”

~ Betty White ~

Me in the Middle Turns One Year Old (#FlashBack)

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What a difference a year makes!  

My One-Year Anniversary badge from WordPress got me thinking about what inspired me to start blogging in the first place and what I’ve gained from this whole experience.

Me in the Middle was the beginning of my sharing my life story with family and a way for me to write about things I needed to let go of so that I could move forward in my life.  It was my hope that through sharing my journey I might encourage others and pass on lessons learned.  It turns out that, in one year’s time, I’ve been able to do that and so much more.

At first I found other bloggers who met that need for support through experiences of abuse, trauma and PTSD .  Bloggers who encouraged and supported each other in a positive way.  Then my enthusiasm for blogging grew and I began to open up my focus to many different topics and directions.  The WordPress Team and Community inspired me and helped me with any questions I had.  Soon I was connected to a wonderful group of blogger friends that have moved me well beyond the need that had initially brought me here last year.  I found that ‘Letting Go’ is an on-going process of being mindful of when we’re allowing our thoughts and emotions from flashbacks of the past to disrupt the wonderful experiences of the present.

One of the major influences in making this transition was the A to Z Challenge 2016.  I used it as a way to bring together all the lessons learned through my life.  It was a real purging and letting go of the past.  So, what a difference a year makes!

one-year-old

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When I first created my website I posted an Invitation to Guest Bloggers.  I wanted to open the door for others to share in their surviving and thriving stories.  I re-posted the invitation again in May and the response was wonderful!  Take a look ~ Here ~.   I’d love to hear your Me in the Middle story.  

So, for FlashBack Friday I decided to post one of my first post at the very beginning that started me off through this great year of blogging.  Thanks to everyone for being a part of it!

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It’s FlashBack Friday~ A time of the month where you can republish an old post of your that maybe didn’t get enough attention, or that you’re really proud of, or you think is still relevant etc.  This Blog-Go-Round is hosted by MICHAEL G D’AGOSTINO from A LIFE EXAMINED–That’s where you’ll find the rest of the participants or to join up yourself.

The post I’ve chosen for this month first appeared on ME IN THE MIDDLE on September 27th, 2015.  To see the original comments to that post you can click on the title below to be taken to the original post. 

I chose this post because it was one year ago that I created my WordPress Website and this post is one of the first I published.  I believe it’s relevant because it shows where I was back then in September 2015 at the very beginning of my blogging experience and just how much blogging has helped me to let go and move on in life.

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Me in the Middle of Learning to Stand on My Own

I found Two Poems I’d written ~ in those first years ~ when I was coming to terms with the reality that the person who I thought was there for me was never really there.  I was learning to stand on my own and to find ways to push through all the walls that were coming down.  I was learning to believe in the possibilities that might be opening up for me.  It took every ounce of creative effort and courage that I could muster.  Writing poems during those first years was a way of finding expression for what I wasn’t able to make sense of while I was experiencing it.  When I reread them from a different place, a more improved view, I saw how important these exercises were.  They were stepping stones to carry me through that time to a new and better place in my life.  A life that keeps moving forward with Hope while wrestling with Life’s paradoxes.

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Divorce

Not sought after ~ this divorce
Thrust upon me as last resort
Insanity running its full course
Destroying trust and mutual support.

Sacrament now turned nightmare
Unraveling years of hopes and dreams
Document once sealed our covenant
Now document seals our parting means.

Final period closing painful sentence
Marking wreckage left behind
Will one day find me free of malevolence
Allowing forgiveness and peace of mind?

© Mary Lou

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Choose Life

Currents of humor and understanding
Toward the human condition
Life’s path created by paradoxes of life
Challenging past held beliefs
Toward unique revelation
Sun shines on evil as well as good.

Forms of life-force and truth
Point toward responsible kinship
Belief in goodness and care for humanity
Moves me out of my own poverty
Toward unique evolution
Choose Life ~ that my future may live!

Poems andSketches © Mary Lou

Me in the Middle of Looking Back (#FlashBack)

        
IT’S FLASHBACK FRIDAY – A TIME OF THE MONTH WHERE YOU CAN REPUBLISH AN OLD POST OF YOURS THAT MAYBE DIDN’T GET ENOUGH ATTENTION, OR THAT YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF, OR YOU THINK IS STILL RELEVANT ETC. THIS BLOG-GO-ROUND IS HOSTED BY MICHAEL G D’AGOSTINO FROM A LIFE EXAMINED–THAT’S WHERE YOU’LL FIND THE REST OF THE PARTICIPANTS OR TO JOIN UP YOURSELF.

THE POST I’VE CHOSEN FOR THIS MONTH FIRST APPEARED ON ME IN THE MIDDLE ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 2, 2016.  TO SEE THE ORIGINAL COMMENTS TO THAT POST YOU CAN CLICK ON THE TITLE BELOW TO BE TAKEN TO THE ORIGINAL POST. 

I CHOSE THIS POST BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT’S A MESSAGE THAT’S NEEDED IN TODAY’S WORLD WHERE SO MUCH SEEMS TO BE TAKING US IN THE WRONG DIRECTION:

“If we continue to live in the fear and the protecting that it made us build up, we stop creating who we are… we shut all our light down… and then love isn’t prevalent …. and then we literally begin creating the world we don’t want.  If you want a world of love, you’ve got to be love.”

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Me in the Middle of Being a Single Mom

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© Mary Lou Q

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I feel like I’m standing on top of a tall mountain as I anticipate the coming of this new year ~ 2016.

“Everything comes to us that belongs to us, if we create the capacity to receive it.”

~ Rabindranath Tagore ~

This path of mine has brought me to and through so much, and here I am entering into another year to apply all that I’ve learned ~ through all that has given my life meaning, richness and purpose.  I want to create within myself the capacity to receive all that belongs to me with open arms and heart, and to be ready to take that leap when the timing is right.

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Over the Christmas holiday, one of my sons shared with me a memory of when he was a teenager.  He told me that when he saw the movie ~ E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, ‘the Mom from E.T.’ reminded him of me.

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